[Published on Mother and Baby 10 Feb 2015 here]
Becoming a parent is widely considered the most life changing experience a person can have. As a mum, you quickly realise just how much life as you knew it changed forever the moment that little bundle of joy popped (well, squeezed) out.
So here’s a little look at all those things that will never, ever be the same.
1. You get a mummy hair-do that is considered less maintenance
For me, that meant a chop and back to my (brown) roots. Ugh.
2. Sex? What's that?
‘Sexy time’ has to be strategic and well-planned,
3. Goodbye 'Me time'
You can go a whole day without looking in the mirror, only to discover hours-old crusty milk on your face.
4. Mrs Organised
You can pack for all contingencies, like a pro.
5. Things get gross
Poo WILL get under your fingernails at some point.
6. Embrace hairiness
Bikini waxes, eyebrow grooming and hair appointments all take a back seat.
7. Baby overload
Your phone has no (OK, less) selfies. Instead, it houses thousands of baby pictures.
8. Short lunch breaks
A half an hour to yourself is pure luxury and careful consideration is put into how you will spend it.
9. Desperate times
Your fridge and pantry essentials are baby food, chocolate and wine (or is that just me?!).
10. Mum talk
Nappy brands, developmental stages and feeding/sleeping routines are the hot topics of conversation at Mothers’ Groups. Actually, give us a forum of any sort and we’ll take you through the finer details of all of the above.
11. Headache hell
Having a hangover while looking after a baby is worse than hell – it’s literally a thousand times more painful than it used to be.
12. Bye bye beauty
If you get to wash your hair, it’s a good day. If you get to blow dry it, it’s an AMAZING day. And if you get to shave your legs, by a lottery ticket!
13. Hello caffeine
Coffee is king. It’s our lifeblood and the only way we get through our day. But if you make me wait in line I’ll scratch your eyes out!
14. Tedious travels
Traveling just got 100 times harder. Packing for your partner, your baby and yourself is like preparing for a six month trip across the globe, yet you’re only heading to the beach for the afternoon.
15. Baby stuff is EVERYWHERE
Your bedside table is now full of baby books, toys and dummies, instead of candles and sex toys. See point 2.
16. Boobs and bras
When breastfeeding is finished for good and you get back into normal lingerie, you feel half human again and the relief is immense!
17. Date Night
A dinner out with your other half is a luxury and more than a little too much wine is consumed to “make the most of it”. But then Number 11 comes into play and bites you firmly in the arse. You never learn though.
18. It's all about the nappy bag
Handbags are not a necessity, nappy bags are. I haven’t used a handbag since I was pregnant, except for one luxurious night out sans-baby. Oh, the bliss.
19. Bathroom business
Toilet time is limited and/or in front of an audience. Particularly when they’re a newborn, the time to do ‘Number 2s’ can be extremely hard to come by… try doing it under pressure. It’s.Just.Great.
In the early days post partum, all comments, flirtatious approaches and innuendos from our partners are (in our head) secretly passive aggressive remarks about how we REALLY look and how hard done by they are. There is no possible way they can find us sexy in this milk-stained bra and comfy pants. Bastards!