By Guest Blogger Anushka Hatharasinghe
J. Lo in Maid in Manhattan – single mum. Helen Hunt in As Good as it Gets – single mum. Sally Field in Mrs Doubtfire – single mum.
Growing up watching movies I was introduced to the character of a single mum, but never did I imagine that I would be one, that solo parenting would be my reality. No way. But here I am, 19 months into #singlemumlife and guess what? I love it!
But let’s rewind, because at first, the reality of being a single mum was daunting. The reality of being a first time mum is daunting, let alone adding the element of no hubby beside you, no oneto hold you and your mummy tummy and make you feel sexy after carrying a baby for nine months and no one to have thoseInstagram worthy picture perfect family moments with.
Well as I have learned, motherhood, mulch like life is not always about having someone waiting at home for you,. Or having someone to hold your mummy tummy and say, “Babe, you’re sexy to me”, and it definitely isn’t about Instagram worthy picture perfect family moments.
It took someone very special to help me realise that. To help get me out of my sadness and help me realise that I had not lost everything and that life was still beautiful and precious. That special someone is my son – Rafe. He got me out of the funk, he made each day worth living and he helped make #singlemumlife a very happy and #blessed life.
I think the most daunting thing about #singlemum life is that 100% of the responsibility and decisions lie with me. I know what you’re thinking, that regardless if a child has two parents, 100% of the onus lies with the parents. Bu you see when there are two parents, the worry, the expectation and everything else that goes with parenting is halved. For me not so much, the worry is mine, the expectation is mine, the responsibility, you got it, it’s all mine! But in saying that, the rewards, the benefits and the opportune to nurture and support this tiny human independently is hands down the most rewarding experience of my life. No complaints here!
I’m very lucky though, in that I have an incredible support network in my parents. They were my first teachers and now, they in a way, co-parent with me to teach, love, support and nurture Rafe. For any other mummas going through or embarking on a similar journey, surround yourself with people you love and who love you in return. Their love will lift you, it will guide you and most importantly it will surround and soak into your baby too!
A lot of people, particularly relatives, judged me for separating from my husband while pregnant and choosing to be a single mum. I have learned though, to trust my gut, listen to my inner voice and ‘do me’! I have also learned that that I am not a pity case and I cannot stand when people pity me for being a single mum. “Oh, you’re doing so well, considering you’re all alone.” Please cut the patronising tone, there is no pity party here thanks!
I know, I know, that’s a bit harsh of me, but it’s the truth and isn’t it important to be truthful, to be honest?!
My motherhood journey is only beginning. I’m only 19 months young and I have so much to learn between now and when Rafe is 18 years old and stands beside me as a man.
Until then, I’m going to do me, I’m going to continue to embrace #singlemumlife and I’m going to cherish this little boy for the miracle and life saver he is.